Nia Thomas [00:00:04]:
Hello, and welcome to the knowing self knowing others podcast, where we discuss self aware leadership with thinkers from around the globe. I'm your host, Nia Thomas. Join me as we talk to today's guest. So today I'm thrilled to be joined by Richard Reid, who's an executive coach, psychotherapist, and leadership expert. With a wealth of experience working with high profile leaders, Richard is passionate about helping people unlock their potential through self awareness and emotional intelligence, and, of course, that's what we're all here for. As the founder of Pinnacle Well-being Services, he has guided countless professionals towards greater confidence, resilience, and authentic leadership. In this episode, we're gonna explore the role of self awareness in leadership, success, and uncover practical strategies to enhance it, which is exactly what we're all about. So, Richard, a very big welcome to the show.

Richard Reid [00:00:57]:
Brilliant. Thank you for having me. Really good to be here.

Nia Thomas [00:01:00]:
So tell us about your journey into leadership coaching and how did self awareness become central to your work?

Richard Reid [00:01:07]:
Yeah. So it's a bit of a circuitous route to be honest. I I used to work, as a business consultant in IT and hated it. In fact, the only bit of it I really enjoyed was being the interface between the techies and the and the normal users. And I took a year out to go traveling. When I was traveling, I ended up at Strange At Sand sharing a tent with a psychiatrist in Wales who was traveling because he just got divorced, and we were exchanging stories. They said, well, what are you doing here? I said, well, I took a bit of time out. I wanna decide what I wanna do with the rest of my life.

Richard Reid [00:01:36]:
They said, do you ever thought about being a psychotherapist? They tell me a little bit about it. And when I got back, from from Argentina, I looked it up, started doing some courses, and it really sort of snowballed from there. And it got to the point where, actually, I made that transition to being a therapist. And the area of London that I was working in, is Mayfair, and there's lots of businesses around there. So a lot of the people I was seeing, were were were leaders, were owners of businesses, and they start seeing the value in what I was doing with them. And so why don't you come do some work with some of our people or or run some training for us? So that's how I sort of evolved into being a being a coach as well. And and and what I've found over the years is that a lot of those psychological principles I use within the therapy world are readily transferable to to any kind of walk of life. You might use a slightly different, spin on it or a different language, but, essentially, it's working with the same same sorts of skills.

Richard Reid [00:02:29]:
And and for me, going back to to to the point you made around self awareness, I think any kind of change needs to start with self awareness. Because, actually, if you don't have the the the capacity to register what's going on internally for you and and what's going on for people around you, you're not gonna know how to use those skills in a in a in a skillful way.

Nia Thomas [00:02:51]:
Most definitely. And I I can't agree more. When you say high profile leaders, who or or what sort of roles who who exactly do you mean?

Richard Reid [00:03:01]:
So a variety of people. So it's a really interesting part of London where I sort of took my teeth. So you've got, high profile CEOs. You've got, entrepreneurs. I've I've even dealt with a few people from very famous families that most people will know, including some some royalty as well, European royalty. So it it's varied enormously. You know, lots of different walks of life. But, again, I found that those sort of core skills have served me really well in in in in any kind of environment, really.

Nia Thomas [00:03:32]:
So if people want to meet the rich and famous, you definitely need to go to Mayfair. When you talk about self awareness, what does it mean for you? How do you define it?

Richard Reid [00:03:43]:
Well, first and foremost, it it in fact, everything that I do starts with registering what's going on inside of you. If you don't know what's going on inside of you, you don't know what you're giving out, and you have very little ability to actively control and influence that. And and a lot of people you know, one of the things that I do is I I deal with charisma, and we'll no doubt come onto that a little bit later, I'm sure. But, a lot of people think that's all about external skills. That that's actually the the the latter part. The first part is having the spare capacity to register what's happening for you and to and to think about what other people need from you. And a lot of the time, we don't. Because we're not aware of what's happening for us, we don't have the ability to know when to apply skills if we have the skills.

Richard Reid [00:04:25]:
Then what that means is that we're often operating in autopilot. We're we're driven by our instincts and our impulses, and sometimes that works in our favor and sometimes it it it backfires. So being self aware, it it gives you that little bit of distance from what might be going on for you, what the providing emotions and thoughts might be to make considered choices. And this is this is really, really important for all kinds of things. You know, what works in one situation won't necessarily work with something else, because people are different, situations are different, so you've got to have that little bit of nuance and and agility really.

Nia Thomas [00:04:59]:
You mentioned the term spare capacity, and I think I know what you mean. But tell me what you mean just in case I've I've heard it wrong or I've I've interpreted it wrong.

Richard Reid [00:05:08]:
Sure. So for me, I always use the analogy of the bucket. You imagine all the things that are going on for you, all the influences that have a have a bearing on you. They start to fill your buckets. And if your bucket's full or over spilling, then you are no longer in control. You can't make informed choices about what you need to do, and and you're gonna be so absorbed by your own thoughts and emotions that you can have very little consideration or ability to think about what other people might need from you in that that environment. So creating space internally, so to speak, gives you that flexibility to to think about how do I wanna be, and and what do other people need from me right now. So it it really sort of helps in terms of building connections with people as much as anything else.

Richard Reid [00:05:52]:
You know, it's it's connecting with people rather than objectifying them.

Nia Thomas [00:05:56]:
If we think about those people who are in those really senior roles, they are dealing with crisis situation or dealing with stress on a possibly a daily basis. How do they give themselves that space, that thinking space, that space to respond rather than react?

Richard Reid [00:06:13]:
Yeah. It's it's it's tricky because when when you've got lots going on, inevitably, you're gonna be more fired up. You're gonna have less, opportunity to think about what's going on for you and what other people need. So you've gotta you've gotta create that space. And, ideally, what what I say to people is if you can, just have a little bit of time at the start of your day to set your intention for the day, to think about what you've got got coming up and how you're gonna manage that. And I and I realize that's not always practical for people. People will say, well, look, I can't take time out. That feels like a pressure in in itself.

Richard Reid [00:06:43]:
You you you I've got even less time then to do the things that I need to do. So one of the areas that I often look at with people is transitions. And by transitions, what I mean is what what do you do when you're going from one task or situation to another? And I think this is even more important now than ever before because a lot of what we're doing is is online. It's virtual. Whereas before you think about how traditionally we might be, you go from one meeting room to another. You go from one office to another. So you've got those natural breaks to reflect, to to reach charge, to do whatever you need to do to get yourself in a good position for the next meeting. We don't have that luxury now.

Richard Reid [00:07:18]:
We're often going from one meeting to another to another to another. And and that has an impact on the brain, and it also means that we become more naturally transactional. So these transitions for me are are really, really important. Even if you've only got thirty seconds just to take a breath, register whatever the prevailing emotions are. So even if you haven't got time to completely manage that, to be aware of it so you can at least mitigate against that. So if you're quite fired up from the last meeting, if you're aware of that, it might be that you decide to go a little bit slower. You engage in that conversation with a a a a larger degree of caution rather than diving right in using those sort of prevailing emotions. So even just slowing down is useful or or setting the intention.

Richard Reid [00:08:01]:
What is the emotion, the atmosphere that I want to create in this next meeting? And often, we don't do that. We think about objectives in terms of what we wanna say, what we wanna get out of it. We don't think about how we're gonna do that. And that's the bit that for me is often missing. It's the bit where we connect with somebody.

Nia Thomas [00:08:18]:
Yeah. Definitely. And you're right. No longer are we worrying about the two flights of stairs to make sure we get to the next meeting. It's two clicks, and you're there.

Richard Reid [00:08:26]:
Yeah.

Nia Thomas [00:08:26]:
And, yeah, there is very little thinking time in between, and you have to switch. That switching really does take a lot of energy for you to put something down to pick something else up. Yeah. And your emotions have to be stop start in the same way.

Richard Reid [00:08:41]:
Absolutely. And for me, the other thing is that we often have our we're often slaves to our diaries. And, you know, I realize that, you know, we nobody exists in a bubble and there's certain things that have to happen at certain times. But, actually, the more self aware we become, the more we can register the types of interactions that tire us at, the kind of interactions that energize us. And we can start to be a little bit more dynamic with how we manage our diaries. And I think even that helps in terms of how we then come across and and and how efficient we are as well.

Nia Thomas [00:09:09]:
Yeah. That's true. So it's about thinking what happens in the morning, where does your energy live in the day, and are you attaching the right energy to the right conversations, and are you even giving yourself time to think about it?

Richard Reid [00:09:21]:
Absolutely. And and, you know, for for some people, I guess particularly introverts, it can be quite tiring interacting with people. So, you you know, you have to interact with people, but how you manage that can be important. So if there are very important interactions, it might be you space them out more or you spread them across a week. So you're not condensing them all. In other words, working against yourself.

Nia Thomas [00:09:42]:
Absolutely.

Richard Reid [00:09:43]:
Play your plans and strength as much as possible.

Nia Thomas [00:09:45]:
As a card carrying introvert, I'm gonna replay that and rethink about that. It's good to reflect.

Richard Reid [00:09:51]:
Absolutely.

Nia Thomas [00:09:52]:
You mentioned charisma. So tell us more about charisma. You run charisma master master classes. Tell us more about the kind of things that people will explore, and how are you in helping people to improve reputation, branding, social capital? And those are all of the things that I tend to think about when I'm talking about charisma. But, again, maybe you have def different definition.

Richard Reid [00:10:15]:
No. It's very much along the lines of what you've just said. So I think, you know, a lot of people think charisma is about charm. It's, you know, it's about sort of telling people what they wanna hear. It it it's not that at all. And, again, it starts with with with where we really enter this conversation. It starts with managing your internal world before you think about how you influence your your external world. If you're not in command of that, you've got less opportunity to to really make an impact with with other people.

Richard Reid [00:10:39]:
So it starts with that self awareness piece. And then it's about being more deliberate and purposeful in how you how you come across. Because a lot of the time, we do things without question that we do them in autopilot. And and the most charismatic people tend to be very deliberate and purposeful, and people extrapolate that. They see that, and they then associate that with your ability to to achieve their goals, to succeed on projects, all all these kind kinds of things. So self awareness helps you to be, more deliberate and purposeful, but it also again, going back to this other point we made before, it it helps you to be more aware of what's going on for the people so you can pivot in real time. If your message is is not meeting somebody's, needs, you are more likely to pick up on that by looking at the, the emotions that sit beneath their words or subtle shifts in their body language that tell you, actually, I I need to take a different tack, or or I need to check-in with someone to see if that's landed properly. So it's it's it's it's creating something with somebody rather than talking at people.

Richard Reid [00:11:43]:
And I and I think for most of us, we're not very good at we like to go into situations, almost having a script in our head of what we're gonna say. And when people are talking, we're already thinking what we're gonna say next. This is about trusting the process. And as a therapist, it's something that we learn very early on in, you know, in in in the training. But but, again, people don't like it. They like to know how it's gonna play. And when you do that, you make assumptions. You miss things that might be quite significant in real time, and and you you objectify people.

Richard Reid [00:12:11]:
People react well to being seen and heard for who they are and being validated for it, it. And that's how we make those those stronger longer term connections, but also that self awareness helps us to be more consistent. So it's it's branding. You know, you don't go to the shop and buy a different box of cold flakes every time. You you hope you go to the shop so the cold flakes are pretty much the same every time every time you get them. So it's the same with our brand. The more aware we are, yes, we might deviate to meet the the the particular needs of the situation, but by and large, people know what they're gonna get, and that's reassuring for people, and it also helps them to be able to promote us with others.

Nia Thomas [00:12:48]:
So if you could give me two top tips of how I could really build and become more charismatic in my communication, What two things can I do?

Richard Reid [00:13:00]:
Well, I think the first thing is is taking more pauses. So a lot of the time, we we think about charisma as being about, you know, entertaining, performing, talking. And and absolutely, that's that's part. If you don't say anything, then then, clearly, that's not gonna be charismatic. But sometimes slowing down and creating space is is equally important. And it's particularly important when you're dealing with introverts because introverts often take more time to think about what they wanna say and how they wanna say it. And a lot of the time because they internalize things, What they say is not necessarily the definitive version of what they think. So creating that extra space allows people to to hear their own words, to reflect, to qualify, and actually to get an experience from that that they don't get with with many other people.

Richard Reid [00:13:44]:
So I think for me, slowing down, creating pauses is really important. And it's also important in terms of of of gravitas. Gravitas is an important aspect of charisma. So in other words, when we say something, it has weight. We're not just saying things to fill the space. When you think about some of the the the most significant leaders, what they say carries a lot of weight, but equally, they're they're comfortable enough in their own skin to know that they don't have to justify their exist existence by speaking at every opportunity. And then create space for other people to come into the conversation. So that would be my my first tip.

Richard Reid [00:14:20]:
My my second tip would really be thinking about intention, again, going back to to what we mentioned before with with with Zoom calls and Teams calls. So intention's massively important. I may know the significance of of what it is that I'm saying, why why it's a fantastic idea or whatever else it might be. But, actually, the way that ideas capture people's attention is when you activate their emotions. So thinking about what is the emotion I want to create in my message is really, really important. Do I want them to feel reassured? Do I want them to feel inspired and excited? All of these things then start to play into how we use our words, how we use our voice, how we use our body language. So in other words, we're we're adapting to suit the situation rather than doing the things that we do, instinctively, which may or may not accentuate our message. They may actually dilute the message.

Richard Reid [00:15:15]:
So setting your intention is really, really important.

Nia Thomas [00:15:19]:
I think that's really interesting. And as you as you're talking, I'm thinking I will often go into a a situation, and I'll be thinking about what I'm gonna say. But I very rarely think about how I want people to feel. I I know what I want people to know at the end of it, but do I ever stop and think I want people to be excited or reassured or feel a sense of trust in the process? I probably don't articulate it to myself or to anybody else.

Richard Reid [00:15:49]:
Yeah. And my and most of most of us don't. Again, particularly when we're operating at speed and we're going from one interaction to another, we we don't think about it. But, you know, certainly, the content of what you say is really, really important. But I think we we often get quite lazy and think that's enough. So so this is sort of the more advanced part of what we would teach in the charisma master classes is the body language, the voice, the sentence structure, where you put the emphasis. So that it's almost sort of sense, but this is the bit you need to listen to. This is how you need to feel when you hear what I'm saying.

Nia Thomas [00:16:19]:
I'm really interested in a connection between self awareness and the choices we that we make about behavior. So really, at the very beginning, you talked about our self reflection and then we have an impact on others, which then allows us to make choices about how we behave. And that really does fit with my three layer definition of of self awareness. When it comes to branding, reputation, how do we really manage those choices? How do we think about our connections between ourself and the choices we are making and the behavior that then comes next?

Richard Reid [00:16:54]:
It interesting question. I think a lot of the time, we we don't because we're we're so busy. And I think what I often encourage people to do is think about who are you when you're at your best and to use that as a basis. And sometimes people really struggle with that that concept, or they've got a vague notion, but it doesn't come into their everyday conscious conscious thought. So saying that as a as a as a as a underpinning for everything is really, really important. And and one of the things that that that I also encourage people to do, and a lot of people sort of bulk at the idea, is ask other people. Ask people for constructive feedback. Who are you when you're at your best? What are your vulnerabilities that come out maybe when you're under pressure? And and the more that we're aware of that, again, it gives us a a really strong basis to think about the areas we need to work on, but also the areas that we need to double down on.

Richard Reid [00:17:47]:
And and I think for most of us, we're really good at pointing out our our vulnerabilities and our weaknesses. We we we tend to take what we're good at for granted. And if we recognize that and we we get that feedback from other people, then then we're more like to appreciate it. We're more like to safeguard it. We're more like to nurture it.

Nia Thomas [00:18:04]:
Yeah. I understand.

Richard Reid [00:18:06]:
For for me, self reflection and and and feedback are are really, really important. That that's an ongoing process, you know, because with anything, but, you know, particularly with something like Charisma, it it's always a work in motion. We've always got, you know, the the positives and the negatives. And if and if you get too complacent with it, you you slip back into old unwanted behavior. So that ongoing feedback is is really, really important, and that thing allows you to think about where am I, what do I wanna build on, but also where are the gaps. If this is who I aspire to be, how am I gonna bridge that gap? And is is that gap realistic? You know? Am I trying to be somebody that that I'm not? And and it's quite interesting that, actually, one of the things that makes people most charismatic is their uniqueness. It's not about a one size fits all. And often we think it's about being the loudest person, the room, the most entertaining person.

Richard Reid [00:18:56]:
Can be, but it doesn't have to be. Some of this is about celebrating your uniqueness and getting comfortable with that. And the more comfortable you get with it, the more you bring that into your everyday experience, the more, hopefully, the validation that that's okay. Or or even better, then that's fantastic. So you can be quirky, and that can be charismatic. But for most of us, we we we hide in the crowd. We only show people the parts of ourselves that we think are socially acceptable. We all, you know, we all have to adapt, but there are so many parts of ourselves that we aren't aware.

Richard Reid [00:19:27]:
We can't I can't possibly tell people that, or I can't show people that that side of me. But when we do that, we grow. We come into the light and and and we become more memorable.

Nia Thomas [00:19:38]:
I'm so glad you used the word quirky. I will always remember the the job that I did the longest. When I left that role, two people, totally unrelated, referred to me as quirky. And I was quite shocked at the time, but since then, I thought, do you know what? I'm gonna lean into my quirkiness, and I'm okay with it.

Richard Reid [00:19:56]:
Yeah. Yeah. Would you rather that than, be vanilla?

Nia Thomas [00:19:59]:
Oh, definitely. Quirky all day. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You've written a white paper called embracing dislike. And I was when I when I read that, I I was really interested. When I did my masters, I focused on, likability and leadership.

Richard Reid [00:20:16]:
Mhmm.

Nia Thomas [00:20:16]:
So tell us more about this idea about how you can, I guess, cope with and capitalize on being disliked?

Richard Reid [00:20:24]:
Yeah. I mean, it's not something that comes naturally to to most people. You know, we're social animals. We want to fit in. We want to be liked. And and and certainly the research shows that agreeability goes a long way in life, but it also runs the risk of meaning that you you you blend into the background and and you and your boundaries get get crossed on a on a frequent basis. You get compromised. What's important to you gets compromised.

Richard Reid [00:20:47]:
So it's really striking that balance that, yes, we we wanna get on with people. We wanna create win win situations, but sometimes, charisma is about saying, well, this is who I am. This is who I am, and this is what I believe in. And even that, you know, yes. If we can get people to like us when we do that, fantastic. But it makes you memorable. You know, going back to that idea of branding, peep people know what you stand for. And there are certainly, you know, lots of public figures.

Richard Reid [00:21:13]:
We don't necessarily like them, but we respect them and we remember them. So So it's it's striking that balance. And a lot of times we compromise ourselves too much because we wanna hide in the crowd. So it's it's having the courage to come out of that. And and it's probably unrealistic to to say that people are gonna make that transition overnight, but it's it's doing it through small increments and repeated steps that desensitize yourself to the discomfort of that, that you actually learn from it. In a lot of cases, it actually that that there's a value to this. There's a value to me engaging in these alternative behaviors. The only way you know that is to test those boundaries with small incremental steps.

Nia Thomas [00:21:48]:
Yeah. It definitely takes courage to to put yourself in a position where it's likely that some people are gonna disagree with you or they're not gonna like your decision, and that's hard.

Richard Reid [00:21:59]:
Yeah. Absolutely. But, you know, courage courage is important. People gravitate towards people who are courageous.

Nia Thomas [00:22:04]:
That's true. A few weeks ago, I spoke to John Christie, and he's a retired firefighter paramedic who talks about stress, burnout, and PTSD. When he was talking about his situation, he talked about reflecting on it and how that reflection helped him grow and heal. Now you deliver critical incident stress debriefing. What does that mean, and what is different about that than any other kind of debriefing we might have led as a manager or a leader?

Richard Reid [00:22:37]:
Yeah. So for major incidents, so maybe there's been a a a natural disaster or a fire or a or a death or or a robbery. It's those kind of things. And what you would generally do is get a team of people together who have been either directly or indirectly involved in that and get them to share various aspects of that experience. And and the idea behind doing that is that if you do that within the first sort of twenty four to seventy two hours after a major event, it reduces the likelihood of people getting PTSD. Okay. And and there are a number of reasons for that. So part part of that process is about providing people with psychoeducation, normalizing some of the symptoms, getting people to share any of those symptoms they might have, and giving them sort of a a a road map if it is the case that they start to encounter any of those things.

Richard Reid [00:23:25]:
And in my experience, when people don't know where their symptoms are coming from, they often panic, and it adds an extra layer of anxiety to it. In some cases, they kinda try and bury their head in the sand. Whereas if they know it's part of a normal process, they are more likely to come forward because it it feels a little bit more normal. But the the other reason for bringing everybody to together in that context is because it allows people to fill in the gaps. People often struggle when they don't have a full understanding of what what's going on. Maybe they were on the periphery of it. Maybe they only saw one aspect of it. So it fills in some of those gaps, and it also creates a support network because everybody feels that they're connected.

Richard Reid [00:23:59]:
So that's the principle behind it, and and it largely works well. I mean, there are a few caveats to that, and I think it's important to stress those. I think one is that some people don't like group activities. So, you know, again, going back to introverts, a lot of introverts don't like to talk about what's going on for a lot a lot of people in general don't. I think some of it will depend upon the strength of your relationships with your with your work colleagues to begin with. So it it's not a be all and end all. I think it it's an important step, but it's not necessarily a be all and end all. And equally, some people will be struggling and won't feel comfortable to acknowledge that.

Richard Reid [00:24:35]:
So it's also a way of actually observing how people interact in those situations to to to maybe think about who looks like they're struggling, who looks like they're reticent. And and so rather than that process being the the endpoint, it can often be the entry point for people getting more, focused individual attention. So it has to be used with a with a degree of nuance. It's not the case of delivering it in a rote fashion where you work through the various steps and you say, right. Okay. You you you're all fine now. There will always be a few people that slip through, but it's it it certainly helps to address a lot of the concerns that the majority of people will have. And I don't know anything about the the symptoms of trauma.

Richard Reid [00:25:16]:
So even just explaining this is natural, this is likely to pass within within a few days helps to people to feel a little bit more relaxed, not feel like what their experience is perhaps the tip of the iceberg.

Nia Thomas [00:25:28]:
I'm reminded that we are five years on from the end of COVID. And often, my colleagues and I will stop and say, do you remember that time? And I can't remember a point where we stopped and reflected purposefully and purposely on COVID and what happened, what did we do, what was the situation, what didn't we do. What are your thoughts on how we are reflecting on that situation in terms of future PTSD or future situations and our ability to deal with crisis kind of situations?

Richard Reid [00:26:06]:
I I think I think I would agree with what you're saying. I think there hasn't been that reflection. I think that that, you know, as a society, there was just a lot of relief to

Nia Thomas [00:26:13]:
be Yeah.

Richard Reid [00:26:14]:
Operate you know, you know, you know, inverted comes a normal way again. So a lot of people threw themselves back into that. A lot of organizations have assumed that people would be okay to resume what they were doing before. And it's true to say that, you know, that there there's increased instances of anxiety, and PTSD. A lot of people died. A lot of people were very, very ill during that process. A lot of people lost out on, you know, a lengthy period of normal socialization, you know, landmark life events, you know, graduation from school, exams, all those kinds of things that most of us are are taken for granted. So there are are delayed impacts to that.

Richard Reid [00:26:54]:
And, you know, close relatives and loved ones died. And and a lot of time, people didn't really connect with that experience. They they you know, they knew that it happened, but because they weren't around it, it hasn't fully sunk in for them even after all this time. So, you know, inevitably, there is gonna be delayed reaction to a lot of these things. So, you know, I've worked quite a lot in sort of emergency services, particularly the police. And and you often see, you know, even years after the that, suddenly something will come up for somebody that they thought wasn't an issue Yeah. Because the wife's moved on, but their emotions didn't. So I I think it's inevitable that we're gonna we're gonna have more of this stuff coming out in in in the years to come.

Nia Thomas [00:27:32]:
Yeah. I think you're right. You also deliver training on storytelling, which I think is, quite closely aligned with our personal branding, our awareness of self. What are a few things that you can share to help us as leaders become better storytellers?

Richard Reid [00:27:50]:
Yeah. Well, I think the first thing is intention. What is it that you want people to feel? And that might vary at different points in the story. But if if all you're doing is relaying facts, that's not gonna capture people's imagination. So I I think setting your intention is really important and thinking about how you're then gonna use the senses to bring that alive. So when you think about how most people operate, something like 70% of the population, their preferred modality is visual.

Nia Thomas [00:28:19]:
Mhmm.

Richard Reid [00:28:19]:
So how can you use a variety of different scenarios that bring alive the senses, but particularly visual? How is it you can even use your body language and your voice to bring that energy alive at the at the relevant points? So all of those things are really, really important. And, also, the structure of the story is really important. You know? One of those structures that I particularly like is the hero's arc where you so this this goes all the way back to the classical times, and it's and it's really all about difficulty, challenge, and how how we're gonna overcome it or how we have overcome that. So it's this idea almost like a redemption story. You know? It's a kind of classic thing you see in a lot of films. And so there's a lot to be said for for using some of those sort of scripts to form the structure of of of what we have to say. And, again, going back to your point before about reflection, it's not just about inspiring people to to think about what it is that we want them to do. But, you know, in organizations, creating a culture and a legacy that also reflects back on things that you've been through.

Richard Reid [00:29:21]:
And that's that's how you create that shared history. So, again, this is where something like the heroes art can be really, really useful because you talk about where people have come from, what the challenges were, and and the character and the learning that came from that. And and, again, it promotes that sense of of shared history, but, also, it promotes the idea of, a growth mindset when we get people to reflect on what they've learned from difficult experiences. They're not just grateful to have moved on from them, but they absorb the the the full nutrients from them.

Nia Thomas [00:29:51]:
I talk about experiential learning. So I've got a self aware leadership compass, and and one of the directions is, experiential learning. And I'm thinking that I I think from what you're saying is that we can share our experiences and and our learning by being better storytellers and thinking about the structure story, but not only the content of it, but our intention in terms of how we want people to feel?

Richard Reid [00:30:17]:
Absolutely. And and you think about you think about sort of, early society. Early society that their cultures and their customs were often built around shared stories, shared history. And those those stories may may or may not have been true, but they they were the common currency, the common language that unified those people and made them feel that they they were joining. So there's a tremendous opportunity in in not just talking about challenges that might be coming up within an organization, but but, again, this idea of reflecting back. What have we been through? What has it shown about us? And and all the research shows that when we highlight the characteristics and the strengths that have emerged in any difficult situations, if we if we if we point people to those, then people gravitate towards them more. In the same way, if you give somebody a compliment and say, you know, what I like about you is x, y, and z, they gravitate towards that behavior more. So some some really good opportunities that we can very easily miss out if we're not thinking about this idea of storytelling.

Nia Thomas [00:31:18]:
Before you go, tell us about your book.

Richard Reid [00:31:22]:
So, my book came out about two weeks ago, and it's called Charisma Unlocked. And it's primarily aimed at business professionals, but I guess there are things in there for anybody, really. It's a book that you don't have to read from cover to cover. You can dip into different chapters. But it's essentially about many of the things that we've spoken about today. First and foremost, it's about how you manage your internal world. It then starts to go into things like how you use your voice, how you use your body language, how you can use conversational intelligence to understand the emotions that sit beneath the words that people say. And I think that that is at the core of it because sometimes people use words, and they're not even aware of what they're feeling beneath all of that.

Richard Reid [00:32:01]:
So if we could decipher that for them and better still find elegant ways of bringing that to their attention, it builds that extra rapport with them. It creates up greater opportunities for for alignment in in our dealings with people. So it's it's it's really a book that is about trying to create better opportunities for us and better opportunities for other people.

Nia Thomas [00:32:22]:
Wow. It sounds like, listeners and watchers, if you want to buy two books that create a pack of information to help you develop your self aware leadership, if you get hold of the Self Awareness Super Highway and Richard's book, you will have a real encyclopedia of how to do it. We will make sure that there is a link in the show notes to Richard's book and his website. So three things, three thoughts to help our listeners and watchers to develop their self awareness before you go.

Richard Reid [00:32:51]:
Okay. So number one, create more space. So if you can't carve time out every day, think about those transitions between situations. Even if you've only got thirty seconds, what can you be doing in that time? Could you be adapting your breathing? Could you be thinking about your next intention? Create more space in your conversations. So how can you slow down? How can you create space for other people to qualify and fully express themselves? So that will be the that'll be the second one. And then I think the third one, we haven't really touched on this today, is I think I think it's about having the courage of vulnerability. We spoke a little bit about sharing your quirkiness, your uniqueness. Vulnerability is part of that.

Richard Reid [00:33:32]:
And vulnerability can also be about acknowledging mistakes, acknowledging things that you don't understand. And when we do that within reason, as long as we're shown competency in between times, it's a great way of actually giving other people permission to share what's going on for them on a deeper level, what they don't understand, what they struggle with, what they want to know. So it builds greater rapport. And, actually, it it ultimately elevates us and elevates other people. So I think for me, those are the top three things that I encourage people to take away from today.

Nia Thomas [00:34:03]:
Brilliant. Richard, I really enjoyed the conversation. I think there's lots of commonality between my thoughts on self awareness and self aware leadership and your ideas and and your models. I have been to your website. You've got a wealth of information on there. You've got blogs. You've got training courses. So I definitely recommend listeners and watchers you go and find out more about what Richard has available.

Nia Thomas [00:34:25]:
We will make sure all of that interesting information and all those links are in the show notes. But for now, Richard, thank you so much for joining me.

Richard Reid [00:34:32]:
Thank you. Really enjoyed it.

Nia Thomas [00:34:35]:
Thank you for joining me on today's episode, where we aim to develop self aware leaders around the globe to generate kinder, more respectful, and creative working relationships through reflection recognition and regulation. Head over to my website at knowingsouthknowingothers.co.uk to sign up to my newsletter to keep up to date with my blog podcast and book looking forward to having you on my learning journey.