The Knowing Self Knowing Others Podcast

40 Validating Emotions, Setting Boundaries and Cultivating Success with Jamie Milam

November 20, 2023 Dr Nia D Thomas Episode 40
The Knowing Self Knowing Others Podcast
40 Validating Emotions, Setting Boundaries and Cultivating Success with Jamie Milam
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Show Notes Transcript

Welcome back to another episode of The Knowing Self Knowing Others Podcast! In today's episode, we have the pleasure of hosting Jamie Milam, a passionate advocate for acknowledging and validating emotions, especially for women navigating professional spaces.

Jamie shares invaluable insights on the importance of recognizing that conflicting emotions can coexist and be valid. They guide us towards finding inner peace by understanding and acknowledging our emotions, focusing on the next step, and managing and comforting ourselves. Setting boundaries is another crucial aspect Jamie emphasizes, as they discuss the significance of honoring our needs and prioritizing personal and family time.

With personal experiences and anecdotes, Jamie illustrates the power and impact of creating a business and life that aligns with our desires, while also prioritizing important personal time. Throughout this episode, Jamie reminds us that we deserve to recognize and honor our own needs and emotions.

Tune in as Jamie  also touches on effective strategies for consistent and scalable results in business, the importance of self-awareness, and the impact of our body's signals on decision-making.

Get ready for an episode filled with inspiration and practical advice to help you find peace, success, and fulfillment in both your personal and professional life. Let's dive in!

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Nia Thomas [00:00:00]:

Hi, listeners. Welcome to year two of the Knowing selfknowing Others podcast, where we discuss selfaware leadership with thinkers from around the globe. Remember that in year two, we're going to be doing things a little differently. Our conversations are going to be more fluid, and we're going to be exploring more topics to help us understand selfaware leadership in practice. Our conversations are going to be a little bit longer with episodes running for around minutes, short enough to listen over lunch, and long enough to keep you company on your commute. Our conversations are going to be weekly so that all of the inspiring discussions I'm having with thinkers from around the globe can be shared with you more frequently. Join me on my learning journey as we talk to today's guest listeners. I'm joined today by Jamie Milam, and it's really great to have you on the show.

Jamie Milam [00:00:49]:

Thank you so much for having me, NIA. I'm excited to be here today, listeners.

Nia Thomas [00:00:54]:

Jamie was on her own since the age of 15, overcame drug addiction when she found out that she was pregnant at 19, rebuilt her life from one storage box to now successfully running three businesses. Jamie's no stranger to the stresses and pressures of life. She learned to apply self awareness to every area of her life and aligns her business strategies to her visions and needs, meaning that she could really live the life that she wanted. Jamie is a property agent, podcast host, speaker, and an alignment coach, helping female entrepreneurs harness their self awareness to break free from pressure and experience peace and alignment. Jamie, please do introduce yourself. It's brilliant to have you here.

Jamie Milam [00:01:39]:

Oh, yes. Thank you. Yes. In a nutshell, as you said, I became a mother at the age of 19, and that's a really young age to be thrown into full adulthood. I had to turn my life completely around. And as a part of that, being a young mom who then decided to go back to college to finish my degree, then I'm working two jobs, I'm going to school. I'm a single mom of a toddler. What happened is I naturally started to have to purposefully plan out how to coordinate all of these different things and realize you've got to be strategic about it. Okay, how many night classes can I take? How many online classes can I take? I can take a class in my lunch hour between jobs or all of these different things. How can I squeeze that in? And I feel like it's those things that helped me become really strategic and intentional with purposeful planning. However, it wasn't until later in life, I would say probably in my 30s, I've been really working on the inner aspect of alignment and just becoming a lot more aware of what my body is telling me, because I think I really learned how to hustle out of a survival mentality. And what happens is that can eventually lead to some serious burnout or you're just going through the motions and then one day you wake up and life is really not what you wanted it to be. My marriage was imploding. I wasn't present with my kid like I wanted to be. And since I started on this journey of self awareness, I am now a single mom again. I am divorced, and my son is getting ready to enter his last year of high school and head off to college after that. And so it's so important to me to make sure that I'm utilizing my self awareness to slow down regularly, to honor my boundaries, to set expectations with my clients, and really to make sure that I am living this life that allows me to be present with the people that matter the most to me. Because that at the end of the day, that's really what matters. That's what brings me peace, not all the pressure of meeting somebody else's definition of success. So my definition of success has changed over the years and I'm sure it's going to change again in another season after he's moved out. But yeah, self awareness to me, I think is the principal foundation to all things that we can do that bring us peace and success in life.

Nia Thomas [00:04:17]:

I so agree. Jamie, tell us a little bit more about your definition of alignment. What is it that you mean when you talk about alignment?

Jamie Milam [00:04:26]:

Yes, great question. So I think that our body gives us cues in terms of what is right for us and what is going against the grain in some shape or form. And oftentimes we don't realize how much of our natural responses and our reactions and behaviors are wired into us from a very early age. I mean, years that we weren't even able to make those choices for ourselves. Right. And so we start to react and we need different things in different spaces, right. Relationships doesn't matter the dynamic. It might be clients, it might be significant others, but our body will tell us if we're in alignment with our values and what is going to continue to bring us peace. And so what I like to do is to make sure that we know how to pay attention to the cues, how to honor them, not shame them, to remember that we are worthy of those needs being met. We are worthy of creating these boundaries for ourself, that it's actually not selfish for us to value them. And then once we have that awareness of what we really desire and what we really need. Now, how do we create strategies? And when I say strategies, yes, I absolutely mean business activities, the way that we show up authentically in our business. But I even mean sometimes the ways that I approach my son as we enter new seasons and he's growing. And there are definitely boundaries and triggers that happen in these teenage years. It's also a matter of recognizing okay, what is the strategy that I need to be able to communicate with him in a way that honors my boundaries but also reminds myself that he's still learning and how do I do this in a way that's teaching him rather than also shaming him. And so it's a matter of really just creating alignment between our actions and really those deep inner needs and desires that, again, I think our body can tell us a lot more than what we tend to pay attention to.

Nia Thomas [00:06:44]:

That's really helpful. One of the things that I found really interesting was from your website you share a self awareness mastery guide. So listeners, you can sign up to this as well. So if you go to Jamie's website, you can access this guide for yourself. In the guide, you talk about the power of self awareness. So tell us a little bit about self awareness and why you think it is so critical for personal growth and alignment in life.

Jamie Milam [00:07:13]:

Well, I think that what can easily happen is when something feels off to us, we will either naturally start to shame ourselves why do you feel like this? Can't you get over it? Why aren't you just able to move past this? Why are you dwelling on it? Sometimes we react where we are trying to get somebody else to meet us where we want them to be. And we keep thinking maybe they're the problem or this disconnect is the problem. When really if what we did is tuned into what our body is telling us, pause. Pause long enough to recognize and just admit it. Just acknowledge it. Acknowledging that it's there is oftentimes so comforting because it's not us shaming it and trying to push it away. You can't just shove it back down. If you shove it back down, it's not going anywhere. It's going to stay right there. So we need to acknowledge it. We need to comfort it in a way that says it's okay. I understand that you're feeling frustrated, like, yeah, your son getting a speeding ticket. That's frustrating. You're worried about his safety. When you try to start to understand where your emotions and your reactions are coming from, you start to uncover more cues about yourself, maybe taking some time to do some self discovery, maybe through journaling, meditation, different practices that can explore where do you think this might be coming from? And you may not have time for it in that moment. You can come back to it though. And once you start to do that and you recognize, like, makes sense to me why I'm feeling this way because this reminds me of something probably from my past, right. Or this reminds me that maybe I didn't have that healthy development at a very young age. If you happen to know your early childhood development year stories, right? So when we start to recognize these things, we can start to comfort ourselves. And the beautiful thing is it's not reliant on anybody else doing it for us. The moment that I have the power back in my hands to control how I react, how I feel comforted, I start to feel seen, I start to feel heard, I start to feel safe. I start to listen to that inner gut feeling because sometimes I don't understand it. I don't know where it's coming from sometimes. But when I recognize that it's there and I honor that, to say, it's okay, we don't have to understand it right now, it's okay. And when I don't understand it right now, it's okay. I've got you. What do we need in this moment? What would help make us feel a little bit more comforted and moving forward? And sometimes it might be as simple as I just need to communicate to whomever it might be that, I just need a minute. I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. And what that's doing is it's rewiring and reteaching ourselves that we've got us. Nobody else can put this pressure on us. We're going to protect ourselves and nurture that part of us that needs maybe a little bit more time before we respond, before we give an answer, before we do the next thing in this step of whatever the situation is that you're in. Right? And then of course, whenever for my entrepreneurs that might be listening, that's going to help you decide what boundaries and strategies and activities are going to be really authentic to you. And in the long run, that's going to attract more people in your world that want to work with you because you are showing up in a safer space, in a more highly energetic space, peaceful. You're not feeling burnt out and frustrated on a regular basis. Does that make sense?

Nia Thomas [00:11:10]:

Yeah, most definitely. And I think it's really good advice because I think when we are taking up in the tsunami of busyness and work, we forget that we have control, that we have power. And I really liked it when you said, just take a minute because sometimes that is all you need to remember that you have choices and you can make decisions about what you do next or what you don't do next. Pressure is something that many people struggle with. How can individuals really proactively identify the pressure in their life and try to break free from it?

Jamie Milam [00:11:46]:

Pressure can show up in so many different ways. It might be pressure that you're putting on yourself. It might be this I have to meet this goal or I need to be this person. I need to do these things this way. The one word that stands out to me the most, though, is I should. When I hear the word should, I immediately pause to question, is that shame? I should be doing this. Whoa. Now, don't get me wrong. There are times that it is very applicable. But when we hear should, if we question is there shame there whether that's somebody else putting that on us or if that's us putting it on ourselves, right? Pressure could come from other people. It might even just be perceived pressure. We think that somebody else wants us to be a certain way. So what happens is those are a few of the words that could be an indicator. The other aspect of this is really, really encourage everybody to really slow down enough to pay attention to their body. Because what happens is Marie Forleo has a book called Everything Is Figureoutable. She has an exercise in this book that she talks about. And it was a game changer for me, essentially, when you start to feel this pressure of I have to make a decision and I don't know which way to go, that if you sit in a really quiet spot, the more that you practice this, the easier it becomes. And you can do this instantaneously, almost. But until you're in good mastery of it, slowing down long enough to really feel every aspect of it is so important. But when you just kind of take a few breaths and I mean deep breaths, I want you to feel your shoulders up and down. I want you to feel your feet on the floor, maybe your hands. I like my hands to be palm up on my legs so I can feel my skin touching whatever it's my jeans or my skin, whichever, right? And feel like the heaviness of where you're sitting. And ask yourself this question of does saying yes to this thing, whatever it is, does it make me feel excited and expansive or tight and constrictive? And the moment that you ask that question, pay attention to the immediate body response that you have. And I will tell you that the more that you practice that feeling in your body, the literal feelings of your own breath, of these motions of your hands and the weight of your shoulders, your body will your hands may even naturally mine tend to kind of tighten up and my shoulders will tighten up. Or I'll be like, oh, my shoulders are kind of like lean back and my hands open up a little bit more. That is your intuition speaking to you. It's not about what are your thoughts that come out. Because sometimes our intuition doesn't feel logical, right? But pressure is going to start to feel like we have to make this decision right now. And if you don't have that feeling one way or the other, this is a good time to say, you know what? I need another day. I need a few more hours before I can discuss this or whatever it might be. But your body, when you start to feel frustrated, tense, a little bit moody, and you don't know why and ladies, I'm not talking about over our cycles, right? US as women is that we have so many different hormonal factors that can play into these things. And that's why it's so important that we pause and tune into ourselves and our body and pay attention to these different signs that are out there.

Nia Thomas [00:15:21]:

Such good advice. And I think in the world of work, we still try and keep away from feeling feelings, feeling what's going on in our body. But we know that the physiological responses to stress or anger or disappointment impacts the way that we behave and it impacts our heartbeat and it impacts the way we breathe. Yet I still don't think in the world of work, we are confident enough to say, you know what, I'm going to sit here for two minutes and breathe and appreciate what's going on because that is going to help me to respond to what's going on in the world at the moment.

Jamie Milam [00:15:57]:

Yeah, I agree. And I think that in such a culture of busy, busy and hustle hustle, it feels like if I just take these two minutes to pause and reflect or reset, that somebody else is going to think, well, you need to keep doing. Why do you need to do that? Right? And we start to have that sense of shame again. But I'm here to tell you that the thing that we can't get back is time. And you just mentioned rapid heartbeat and the way that we breathe, this stress, these high levels of pressure, they affect our physical health, they affect our mental health. And these are things that sometimes we're not slowing down enough to pay attention to until it's too late. And at the end of the day, if it takes two minutes to pause and that keeps those cortisol levels down so that you have more time in this world to do things with people that you love and to stay in your zone of genius when it comes to your work, it's going to be worth it.

Nia Thomas [00:16:54]:

You discussed various methods of becoming more self aware and you mentioned journaling and you mentioned mindfulness. And I really liked your descriptor there of how you sit, how you put your palms, et cetera. In terms of journaling and mindfulness, what are the kind of things that you can recommend to listeners to help develop that two minute pause, that three minute pause?

Jamie Milam [00:17:17]:

So journaling is something I do every day. It's something I do every morning as part of my morning routine. And my journaling will include gratitude very specifically over the last 24 hours, things that occurred over the last 24 hours and then those affirmations. But it's also a time for me to just kind of unpack whatever might have been weighing on me. Sometimes what happens is if something occurs during the day and I can feel it in my body where it is, something might come up in a conversation. And just underneath my chin, I'll get this tight feeling and I'll note it in my mind. Because the moment to explore that is not while I'm in conversation with this other person. That's not my space for that, but I will make note of it. And typically, as soon as I get to a point in that conversation where I can, I will put a note in my phone so that way I can quickly remember that I want to unpack that either in my journaling. Or I will also say that I think that for anybody who is not sure if they can do this on their own or that they know that they have a lot of deep traumas or childhood development stages that weren't the healthiest of spaces or abusive. Absolutely engaging with professional help. I still attend therapy on a weekly basis. It's not that every week I've got something heavy and deep to unpack. But as I'm growing and as my son is aging, we're going through different seasons, and so it's still a lot to figure out. And honestly, for the first three years of therapy, I didn't even broach my family stuff, like my childhood family stuff. I knew that I didn't want to, I wasn't ready. I needed to be addressing my marriage issues and then my divorce and processing, getting back out there on my own, those are things that were more immediate in my life. And then as I've strengthened this ability of awareness, now I'm able to feel confident that I can balance that by unpacking some of those deeper triggers and traumas, to understand myself even better as to why I operate some of the ways that I do. And so I think ultimately, it's taking the time, if you did nothing else right, it's taking that time to slow down and feel your body. What is it that I'm feeling? Because when I started therapy, I said, I don't feel like I can feel my gut at all. I don't trust my gut because I can't even hear it. And I really wanted to be in a place where I felt very intuitive, and now it's to a place where it's baffling. I can see it coming a mile away. Sometimes in my business, I sense something I'm like immediately. I'm like, this is not going the way that it needs to. I can already tell. But the other side, and maybe other members of my team, they're like, no, I think don't be negative about it. I'm like, I'm going to be negative about it. I'm just saying something's off with this. And I would like for us to prepare a backup strategy just in case, so that we don't miss any downtime. Let's be prepared. And I mean, just recently it happened. My intuition told me two weeks in advance, and it wasn't until the day before our transaction was supposed to close that it fell apart. And one of my team members, they were like, how did you know that? And I'm like, I'm telling you, it was not right. I could feel it. And that my friends is why taking the time to do this, it's not an overnight process but taking the time to do it has created so much more peace in my world that it makes me feel so proud that this is the version that my son gets to have of me, especially as he's becoming an adult. Because it's what I want to show him that I'm not still that ran ragged, high, intense, not present, feeling pressure. I've got to do this. I'm on my phone. I couldn't be present for vacations because I wasn't willing to create the boundaries for other people to honor because I didn't even know what they were yet because I wasn't paying attention.

Nia Thomas [00:21:25]:

That's interesting the way you describe writing down something in the moment so that you can come back and reflect on it later. I'm sure listeners like me, you take notes. So when I'm in meetings I'm always on my laptop taking notes. And one thing that I don't do is take a note of how I'm feeling or my behavior or if there's something feeling related going on in that meeting. It's always the to do list.

Jamie Milam [00:21:52]:

That's fascinating that you say that because when I'm talking strategies, I'm really big on systems because I think systems are what will help you in your business, make it a duplicatable result, right? And it becomes consistent and at the same time it's sustainable and scalable. And part of what I tell people is whether it is when I say goals, I think of like projects, launches, campaigns, maybe it's an event, whatever that is. When you have met the end of that target deadline and the event has taken place, the campaign has launched, whatever it might be, I encourage that you go back and do a feedback like a post check in, right? And we're not just looking at the target versus actual goals or budgets. It's also what went really well. We definitely need to celebrate our wins and then we also need to look at the rooms for opportunity. So when it comes to especially entrepreneurs with events or campaigns and launches, I encourage them to say what felt frustrating throughout the process, what felt like I was stretching myself and I wasn't even excited to show up and do that. Because when we write those things down and we really dive into it and you do that over and over, you start to see the pattern. It becomes really apparent. When I'm working with a client, I can see in their face, right? I'll hear certain words come out over and over and so I'll keep asking certain questions to see if they can hear it. And then I tell them make sure that you go back and watch this recording because you can see their bodies shift when they start to talk about one activity versus another or they'll hear these words. And so that's why I tell them, on your feedback form with your team especially, what is it that you wished would have gone differently or that you just didn't enjoy that aspect? A clear example of this is we had done a client event where nobody else knows each other and I'm the one person that is in common with everybody. That was exhausting. Exhausting to feel it's almost like a wedding without the excuse, right? But everybody else is fine because they're expecting that you're there with your husband. But when it's a client event, it's all you and you feel like you have to go around. And so I'd gone back and said, I want more people that are on my team. Whether that's our photographer is taking time, let's bring in some vendors that can go around and socialize with them so that I don't feel that pressure of having to be in place with every single person for 20 minutes at a time. So if that is draining me, I pay attention to that. That way we can restrategize and make the next event more successful and more exciting for me to do. And my energy will show up better for them and for myself and my family when I get home after the event.

Nia Thomas [00:24:42]:

I think that's a great idea to be journaling with a view to reflecting and seeing if you can see the patterns. Because unless you're paying attention to your own behavior, if nobody else is doing it, they're not seeing the patterns either. So it's down to you. You have to take that responsibility to build your self awareness, whether it's journaling or feedback or however you seek it. But to be able to see your own patterns. You mentioned strategy when you were talking there. Creating an aligned life requires a strategic plan. How can someone develop sustainable strategies that really align with their values and needs? What are the things that they need to be thinking about to get this down so that they can, if you like, get it out from their head so that they can see it?

Jamie Milam [00:25:29]:

Well, I think even just the example that we just gave that is such a great way of reflection. Because if it is, I like to split this up two different ways. If we're thinking about business, you don't know what you don't know until you know it. And especially for people who are just starting out, maybe it's in a new role, maybe it's with a new team. It might be just a new business venture in itself. You have to try on a few different things to figure out what's going to be successful for you. What a lot of people will fall into the trap of is I need to do all of the things. I need to do the things that that person's doing because they're really good at it. And if they're really good at that, I can totally do that. I can be successful with that. And then you get into it and you realize I hate this. I hate the idea of showing up and doing it again or a big one is social media. All these people who think that somebody's doing really well because of their social media and they think, okay, well that's the way I need to do it too. Clearly there's success there. But getting onto social media, creating the things, having to show up and put all of your stuff out there feels so icky to you. Well that's not going to be sustainable. It's not going to be scalable because you don't enjoy showing up in that space. But again, it takes that time to slow down and be really aware of what it is that you enjoy and that feels calm and peaceful and exciting. These positive feelings that we have. Success doesn't have to be stressful. It does not have to be stressful. But it's also the same if you want to plan a vacation, if your significant other just loves to go with the flow, but you having it planned out and having a general idea of what that itinerary is, that's what makes you not feel stressful. Well now it's a matter of, okay, we need to check in and recognize that what I want is deserving too, but what he wants is also worthy. So how can we communicate our needs with one another and find a happy medium? Is it okay if we plan to have a day that's more go with the flow, right? And then can we plan for this day? Or maybe we split it up where instead of this day, we have all of the things on this one day's activity list and instead maybe we have two each day. And that way it gives us plenty of time to kind of go with the flow in between. How does that make you feel? Does that feel like it's still meeting those needs? It doesn't have to be this or that either or it can be this. And we can do this and we can have this time together in the way that you want as well. That's sustainable for partnership, right? So again, it's a matter of recognizing and honoring that what we want. It's valid. It's completely valid. Now it doesn't mean that we have to be a jerk about it, but it's also a matter of recognizing that what they want is valid too. And sometimes those valid things that each other wants, they don't line up often enough. And that means that it might not be the right person for you. And that's okay. That doesn't mean that you have to change yourself or that they have to change themselves to meet your needs. And it's the same with the business strategy. Every person is unique because every single one of us have had a different experience. So finding a strategy that's going to work for you rather than trying to do and be all of the things, be you and do the few. Things that light you up and become a master of that. Interesting.

Nia Thomas [00:29:18]:

In the UK at the moment, we are very much focused on integrated working and I think maybe we need to do a little bit more of and instead of or in your guide, you share some life changing stories about the power of self awareness. Are there any experiences that your clients have had or people that you've worked with that you can see that that transformation within their world of work?

Jamie Milam [00:29:48]:

Yeah, this young lady fairly recently comes to mind. She is in real estate and she's fallen into that space of, oh, I have to do this and I have to do that, I have to do these open houses. Well, she's a single mother with two small children and it really weighs on her. Her co parent is not very available, it's not been very reliable. Well, we decided to explore some other options. What are some ways that you can do some lead generation that has a bigger impact in a shorter period of time, rather than taking up that time every single week? And so what we ended up doing is she tried out an event, it was actually a wedding expo and she went and set up a booth. Now, this booth is a one time investment, right. In terms of the strategies, in terms of how are you going to capture their information, any of the table setup stuff. So it's a one time kind of thing if this is going to work. And then you rinse and repeat and she showed up and the feedback that she got while she was there was just like, oh, my gosh, you're not like everybody else. This doesn't feel stuffy. Because she really put her personality into it. She put like a little game on there something that she felt like would be fun because if she was the person at that expo, how would she want to interact with these tables? So she really put herself in that position where she could energetically align with the ideal clients that were showing up. The amount of leads that she got was about 100 times what she would have gotten in the same amount of time at an open house, if that right. And now she added so many more to her pipeline, I think it was 40% of them was ready to work with her in the next six months. Now she has a huge list of people that she can be reaching out to on a weekly basis and not having to struggle to find open houses in our market, we don't have a whole lot popping up right now with inventory and so it's not very sustainable at the moment to rely on just open houses. So that was an example in terms of how she found a new form of lead generation that not a lot of people are doing, but yet the returns were there. She was excited about it. She was like, I've already booked my next one. She ended up getting a listing appointment the same week that she followed up with them. It was fantastic. And then another gal she was very resistant to the idea of journaling in the beginning and it wasn't like an assignment like, go journal every single day. It was really an assignment about digging into her goals, her annual goal, her target, and trying to decide, why are we aiming for that number, justify the number and justify what is that going to be funding? And I want you to dig into why is that important to you? How's that going to impact you? How is it going to impact your family? How is it going to impact your clients? So really digging into that and she was like, I'm struggling with this. I said, Why don't you just journal on it a little bit? Just journal a little to see, I'll send you five different prompts so you have a prompt for each day of this week. And after those first five prompts, she comes back to me and tells me that those five prompts ended up having her create a separate journal where she started to journal every single night the things that she wanted her son to know about her. And this became a journal that she intends to be for her son. She's a single mother and she has a six year old. And she said, it's just something that I really want him to have eventually to be able to look back and see my own growth and for me to be able to write little letters to him through the years as I'm watching him grow. She got herself out of an unhealthy relationship because she started to recognize what parts of her were just not feeling valued, what parts of him she didn't value, and the awareness that came through. And she said, I love it now. And she has two journals now, so it's just so fascinating to see how powerful and empowering it can be for us. Just to take time to recognize that it's okay to honor, that we want to do something different or stray from the norm of how to approach strategy and systems, but also to take the time to honor what we need and what we desire. Because those are valid feelings and we're worthy of having them met.

Nia Thomas [00:34:27]:

And if we think about the old adage of if you do what you've always done, you're going to get what you've always got, then sometimes it is really worth trying something new. And maybe it is journaling or maybe it is meditation or maybe it's therapy or coaching, whatever it is for you, but sometimes you just got to try something new. What is your main message for listeners who really want to lead a more authentic life and a more aligned life that's built on more self awareness? What steps can they take to start their journey of self awareness and working towards mastery of that self awareness.

Jamie Milam [00:35:02]:

The great question, because the thing that I wish more women especially, I definitely feel this is valid for both men and women, but I feel that women have so much pressure on them, especially as we're broaching into this professional space and we want to be and do more. The thing that I would love for women to do is first recognize and acknowledge whatever emotion you're having, even if it feels conflicting, to recognize that you're allowed to feel two different things at the same time. I can feel really excited for my son in his next season going off to college, and I can feel really scared about it at the same time. Those two feelings can occur in the same space, and they're both valid. The moment that you acknowledge what you are feeling, you're validating them. You're saying that it's okay to feel this way. The moment that you start to validate those feelings, now you start to move into a space where you understand them and then you can acknowledge them in a way that now you can find the next step that's going to match whatever it is that's going to keep you feeling in a space of peace doesn't mean that we have to figure out the whole thing right now. But what is the one thing that I need right now that's going to help me feel at peace with being able to move out of this space in this moment? Because sometimes I am going to make sure that I write down the thing that I need to go back and journal on so that I don't forget it. Because that's important to me too. Clearly there's something there. My body's reacting to it. I recognize it. I'm not ignoring it. I'm going to come back to it. And that gives me this sense of comfort that I can trust and rely on myself to manage and to comfort those emotions. Right. I'm not waiting on somebody else to fix it for me or to discover it for me. I'm coming back to it. So I think that the first thing, really the first steps, is acknowledge what you're feeling and recognize that they are valid. And then once you start to do that, you can dig in, try to understand where they're coming from and comfort that. Recognize that it likely has nothing to do with this exact situation, but probably something way deeper. And that that's okay too. We can't go back and change those, but we are in control now. So what do we need to do now? What feels right moving forward that way? I can feel at peace with it. It might be something as simple as creating a boundary. I'm really annoyed that I'm having to work after 07:00 every night. People keep blowing me up. I can't be present at my son's games. I can't be out on vacation well, if you just set the expectations with your clients that I'm not available after 07:00. I changed my voicemail a couple of years ago and I will never forget it because I put it on my voicemail. If you've reached me after 07:00 p.m. On a Sunday or on a holiday, I will return your call the next business day. I set those expectations. If people don't want to meet them, that's okay. They're not my ideal client. It's fine. But I'm going to honor what I need. And if I honor it, I expect that you honor it. And if you don't honor it, it's okay. We're just not in alignment. It's fine. But I'll tell you right now, I haven't had anybody that's like, I don't want to work with you because of that. In fact, I have people that leave me voicemails instead and say, hey, I know that it's 738 o'clock. No need to call me back tonight. I'll chat with you tomorrow. I've even called a client while I was on vacation and he said, Wait a minute, why are you calling like you're on vacation? And that's so beautiful. It makes me so grateful every single time because I'm like, look, I am able to create this business and this life that I truly desire because I'm paying attention to it and these things are valid. I can only have this time with my son, and I don't want him to think that I am not present. Sometimes you only need that time for yourself. That's valid too. I have appointments with myself that are very important, that I hold extreme boundaries around, but I think that that's important is acknowledging what you need, what you're feeling, and validate them and then do what you can to honor them because they're deserving. You are deserving. You are worthy of being valued.

Nia Thomas [00:39:25]:

Jamie, what brilliant advice. Thank you so much for joining me. And really, your advice has been absolutely fascinating and brilliant. How can listeners connect with you? What was the best way to get in touch?

Jamie Milam [00:39:38]:

Absolutely so a couple of different ways. You can go onto my website, which is Jamiemylum.com Connect. And there's some great ways there to connect with me. I also have a podcast called Determined AF. So whatever you're listening this episode on, you can just check search in there. Determined AF. We're talking about all things awareness and alignment for systems and strategies, but also mindset. And then if you're on Instagram, I am there most of the time at Ms jamie Milum.

Nia Thomas [00:40:08]:

Brilliant. We will make sure that there are links in the show notes so that listeners can click directly and connect with you. Jamie, thank you so much for joining me. It's been such an interesting conversation.

Jamie Milam [00:40:19]:

Thank you so much for having me. It's been wonderful.

Nia Thomas [00:40:22]:

Thank you for joining me. Your host, NIA Thomas, and my guest on today's episode. Remember to rate and review this podcast on your favourite podcast. Player and to join me for the next episode. Looking forward to having you on my learning journey. The Knowing self Knowing others podcast is available on Apple podcasts spotify Google Podcasts podcast index overcast Amazon Music podcast addict Castro Castbox Podch Coffee.

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